long incoming rant about life. I have tried to do everything I could
since my sister died, to help them the best I could. After my own car
crash I've become a little out of sorts; my spine hurts a lot, my moods
are gross but even then I still try to help them. Money I had from
commission, cosplay, artist alley, they've all helped them in the end.
Mom has screamed at me saying I've done nothing to contribute to this
family. I'm a burden and often has wished my sister was alive and that I
was the one who died from a Heroin overdoes and tossed in a ditch. At
my sister's funeral I tried to be strong from them and didn't cry at all
until I was alone, at home, after. They cried, and I felt I had to be
strong from them.
Dad just keeps saying they need money because
we 'owe' them after we helped clean the house, the backyard, the pets,
bought them food and helped them with vacations because I thought it
would be a nice surprise for them.
Before my gallbladder remove, I
was being yelled at by her for being a selfish person who doesn't help
or who's just a burden to their house. It's broken me down a lot.
There was a peace for a while and before Bruce and I were planning,
looking for apartments and what not, she continued to scream at me for
being pathetic, a burden and that if art isn't doing anything for me
then to hurry up and kill myself because no one wants me and they'd
finally no longer have to deal with me.
On my birthday, it felt
like the one time of year I could do something for me and instead Mom
just screamed at me that I didn't have children and I'll just be a dried
up cunt with no future. That still doing art was a waste of time and
thought I was go in to medicine like her.
April this year, mom
got drunk and barged in to my room when I was trying to finish
commissions. She was so drunk.. She kept saying how she hated we were
here, she hated me, she hated dad. She wanted to divorce dad after 49
years and wanted me to disappear. She kept screaming, she kept making me
cry, I had to cover my eyes and she kept screaming I had to call 911
then she pretended like she didn't do anything and I was the one who
started it when I was hidden and cowering in a corner.
she and I didn't speak. She had her problems with Alzheimer's and I
tried to help to all my ability. Even with her yelling to me I wanted to
help. LVL UP and Fanime were nice vacations but dad kept calling to
make sure I really was there
RTX Came along and I was so happy
to see people even if they didn't enjoy my company. I was just so happy
to see familiar friendly faces after being locked away for months. I was
happy to be so far away, see so many kind people and familiar faces but
the day after the art Auction when we were at lunch I had a call that I
took and it was her. She cursed me, yelled at me and was pissed because
I didn't come by to wish dad a happy birthday. Dad (and really SHE)
knew I was in Texas for this big thing. They knew I was going to be busy
but she called anyways to yell at me about being a terrible daughter
for not saying happy birthday when I was running around all day
Once I came home from RTX I spent a week relaxing and helping organize
our new apartment. When I took a nap, my phone went off but I saw there
was a message so I listened thinking dad needed something. No. It was
just my mom telling me they want no responsibility for me, this was no
longer my home, never come back, they never want to take care of me
again, they never want to see me again. Dad had no she called. But I just stared in disbelief at my phone like...what did I do? Why am I that
bad of a person?
Mom took a rather bad injury, recently. Even
with just trying to take care of their pets while she was gone, the
instant she found out I was in the house she nearly burnt the place
down, screaming I'm unwelcome and wanting Kristy back instead. Since
then I've been cut off from my family.
I've lost motivation for
everything. Art, cosplay, happiness and, sadly, the will to just live
completely. We have 10$ to our name every month because of bills we have
to pay for which, is the adult thing to do. That leaves us with little
food sometimes but we try to make sure. I'm still trying to get used to
no longer hearing from my dad. Every night I'm in tears. Every day I'm
just sad. My birth mother didn't want me so she threw me away then
current-mom and dad adopted me. and now have thrown me away.
I love my friends, I really do but everything still hurts so much.I sitll doodle and I still draw but after Rooster Teeth has stolen so
many of my ideas, ignored me at every plea for what I did wrong or why
they won't look at my resume or WHY they take my ideas I'm met with
silence. So...game over. They win. I'm clearly not human or a
'community; member if they just ignore me and take my work for their
"inspiration" . I won't be doing designs inspired by them only to have
stolen anymore and will focus attention elsewhere.
I'm keeping my profile open and up until RWBY Vol5 ends then I will probably disable it along with all my 'art' I have here. Thank you so much for you support even if I don't deserve it and I wish you all the best. Thank you for sticking with me this long.
I apologize, there was one thing I meant to write in that I forgot to.
When my mom was yelling at me, yelling at my dad, abusing him and beating
him up, we were both to the point of tears and anger to tell her to
Once we told her to stop, we told her how it made us feel and how
terrible it was for her to even DO something like that…. All she did
was laugh. Drunken laughter, 'haha bullshit what are you going to do?
Nothing" laughter. That still haunts me with how she just so easily
LAUGHED off the fact we were crying. When I slipped and fell the 2nd
time after LVL UP an dhad to go to the ER, when I fell and bashed my
head, enough to hear a crack, she just laughed at me and said “serves
you right” when I had just been standing there feeding the bird. Dad and
Bruce came to my rescue and helped me. Once EMT showed up, she
pretended she was worried and tried to take credit for helping me. I’m
just…still really haunted by those laughs of hers…I hate it. I hate
it so much.
Anyways, please stay safe, friends
All my heart and love.